


My Sunshine

by XaverianQueenChrissy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, M/M, Songfic, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:22:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2633363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XaverianQueenChrissy/pseuds/XaverianQueenChrissy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was not supposed to happen. Not to Hinata, the boy was the human embodiment of the summer sunshine warming the earth after a cold winter. Now, at least according to Kageyama Tobio, the world had descended upon an eternal winter rivaling the last ice age. Songfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SATAN I SWEAR.

 

 

 

_** You are my sunshine, my only sunshine ** _

_** You make me happy when skies are gray ** _

_** You'll never know dear, how much I love you ** _

_** Please don't take my sunshine away ** _

This was not supposed to happen. Not to Hinata, the boy was the human embodiment of the summer sunshine warming the earth after a cold winter. Now, at least according to Kageyama Tobio, the world had descended upon an eternal winter rivaling the last ice age. 

He was fine at afternoon practice; radiating happiness with every successful quick spike. Kageyama decided that he was in love with the boy several months prior, though he did his best at hiding his feelings from the vibrant spiker. Still, his heart hammered in his chest every time Hinata grinned happily at him. Little did he know, Hinata was keeping his own secrets; the secret that lay deep beneath the cheerful exterior. He would find out soon enough.

" Oi, Hinata," Kageyama  ran up to the spiker's side on the way home from practice, "want to get meat buns or something?"

Hinata glanced over at his friend, and Kageyama noticed something was wrong. His hazel eyes were dull and emotionless, lacking their usual sparkle. He was hunched over his bicycle.

"Sorry, I have things to do tonight." His voice was flat.

"A-are you alright?" Kageyama asked, alarmed.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine!"  Hinata  smiled at him before biking away. Kageyama's heart leapt in his chest, and he wanted nothing more than to chase after the boy and confess everything. But, he restrained himself, and went home.

_** The other night dear, as I lay sleeping ** _

_** I dreamt I held you in my arms ** _

Kageyama was restless all evening. He tried to go to bed early to sleep it off, but all he could think of was the look on Hinata's face. He felt as though someone put out the sun. Perhaps he caught a bug?  Kageyama  decided there was no point in laying in bed cradling a volleyball for comfort, and leapt up, quickly changing back into his clothes. He had to make sure  Hinata  was okay.

"I'm going out," he called to his mother.

"This late at night?"

"Y-Yeah, uh, I forgot my homework at school."

His mother sighed, "Tobio ...oh fine, but hurry back."

Kageyama  was out the door in an instant.

It was only 10pm when he arrived at the  Hinata  residence in the mountains. However, he noticed there was no car in the drive. Maybe they went out somewhere? However  Kageyama  noticed the only light in the house came from  Hinata's  window. He tried the front door to find it was unlocked, and quietly entered the house. This was wrong, he knew it was late and if  Hinata's  parents caught him, they would call his parents for sure, but all he could think of was his unrequited love.

"Hinata?" he whispered, gently knocking on his bedroom door. No answer. After a few more soft knocks, he gently pried open the door, only to be faced with Hinata's  dresser blocking the doorway. Now that was unusual. His heart rate sped up as he pushed away the furniture with a strength he didn't know he had. When he saw the shock of orange hair on the floor, the blood suddenly drained from his face and pooled in his churning stomach.

"No..." he choked out.

_** When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken ** _

_** So I hung my head, and I cried ** _

He ran to the  spiker's side.

"Hinata! Hinata!"  Kageyama chanted his name over and over again, practically pleading for a response, "Fuck! Hinata!"

Leaping into action, he checked the smaller boy's pulse. Nothing. He examined his chest for any signs of breathing. None. Then he sat back and his body went limp in shock when he got a good look at the boy laying in front of him.  Hinata's  skin was pale blue  and his once sparking eyes were clouded over. Upon touching his skin,  Kageyama  found that while his skin was cooling, it was still lukewarm.

" Hina ... Shouyou ..." he whispered. He stood, feeling extremely dizzy. He had to call 119, oh god where were his parents?! Surely there's some way he can be saved! He stumbled for the phone, when he nearly slipped on a bottle on the floor. Picking it up, he read the label with bleary eyes.

"Sertraline," he murmured to himself. The bottle was empty. He knew what they were, having been on them himself for a period of time at the end of junior high.  Hinata  was taking anti-depressants? He dropped the bottle on the floor, frozen in shock. He couldn't look at  Hinata  in that state, so he ran from the bedroom, down to the kitchen, and quickly dialed 119.

_** I'll always love you and make you happy ** _

_** If you will only say the same ** _

While the police and paramedics were on their way, Kageyama was about to return to  Hinata's  side, knowing that it would most likely  be the last time he could hold the boy. He stopped when he noticed a note stuck to the fridge.

_ Shouyou , _

_ There's food in the freezer for you to heat up while we're gone. If you need anything, please call. Enjoy practice this weekend, we'll say hello to  obasaan  for you! _

_ We love you, _

_ Mom, Dad, and Natsu _

So his parents weren't home.  Kageyama  felt bile rise up in his throat.  Hinata  was home alone and was clearly suffering. Why didn't he call him?! Sure,  Kageyama  wasn't the most cheerful individual, but he would've been a better alternative to this! His parents didn't have a son any longer and they were painfully unaware. With lead feet, he clomped back up the stairs to  Hinata's  room. Rigor mortis had not yet set in, so he was still limp.  Kageyama  scooped up his crush, cradling him close. As he sat on  Hinata's  bed, the decoy's body rapidly cooling against the setter's heated skin,  Kageyama  finally started to cry.

**_ But if you leave me to love another _ **

**_ You'll regret it all one  day _ **

" Hinata -no- Shouyou , I love you. I always had, I fell in love with you the day I saw your smile for the first time. Please,  Shouyou,  let this be a joke.  I swear I'll always toss to you and I won't call you dumbass anymore and I'll try to smile more  just please  don't be dead. " 

Kageyama  knew it was no use. He was gone. His shoulder's shook violently as he wailed into the lifeless decoy's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have let you go home in that state! Please, forgive me! God, I love you. Don't leave..."

Kageyama  released everything that had been built up inside him over the past few months. His grip on his love never ceased. No more bickering, no more serves to the back of his head, no more sunshine.

"Dammit...how do you expect me to be able to live without you?"

By now, he could hear the sirens outside the window, screaming violently as the night sky was filled with flashing blue and red. Soon enough, he would have to let go, as much as he didn't want to. He inhaled  Hinata's  scent, trying to familiarize himself with it, and ever so gently he began to sing the first thing that came to mind.

**** You are my sunshine, my only sunshine   
You make me happy when skies are grey   
You never know, dear, how much I love you   
Please don't take my sunshine away

Hinata Shouyou, male, born June 21st, 1998, took his own life from a lethal dose of Sertraline on July 15th, 2014 following a long battle with depression. That was how the medical examiners viewed Hinata. They had no idea what a wonderful person he was, how his smile could melt a glacier, or how enthusiastic he was over volleyball. How could someone so happy end in such a way?

Kageyama  didn't cry at the viewing, nor at the funeral. He just stared, glassy eyed, at the wooden casket hovered above the six foot hole in the ground. He was sitting next to  Hinata's  parents, who wept deeply and openly, and  he felt guilty for being stone faced.He felt something tug on the sleeve of his dress shirt. He turned and he swore he saw  Shouyou , hazel eyes filled with tears and long orange hair. He realized it was Natsu, looking up at him with teary eyes.

"I miss Oniichan," she whimpered.  Kageyama's  eyes fell as he picked up the young girl and placed her in his lap the way he held her brother that fateful night.

"I miss him too," he murmured in her ear.

Kageyama left the burial early,  unable to watch the casket being lowered . He knew that once the soil fell, he would truly be gone.

There was a knock on the door later that day. Upon opening the door, he came face to face with Mrs. Hinata , still in her funeral clothes and smudged makeup.

"Tobio dear, sorry to bother you, we were cleaning  Shouyou's room and found this for you."

She handed him an envelope, which he took with shaky hands.

"Thank you for being there," she murmured, "it means a lot to myself and my husband."

He nodded, "I'm sorry I was too late."

She shook her head, "don't apologize for something out of your control."

After she left, Kageyama opened the envelope with shaky hands and unfolded the piece of paper inside.

_ Tobio, _

_ I'm so sorry I couldn't hold on any longer. I hope you will one day forgive me, though if you don't that's okay. I really enjoyed spiking your tosses, even though your face scared me a lot and you were cranky almost every day, your company made life worth something. I'm sorry I hid my problems from you, I didn't want you to think poorly of me. And, well, I know we had a rough start, and we fought constantly, somewhere along the way I fell in love with you. I know, it's stupid, but it's the truth. I will always love you,  Bakayama. I want you to promise me to never give up like I did. I want you to grow up, get married and have cranky looking  Kageyama  babies. I want you to make their lives as memorable as you've made mine. _

_ Yours, _

_ Shouyou _

"…..dumbass."

Years passed,  Kageyama  eventually grew up, married, and had children. He became  Karasuno's  volleyball coach on top of his job as a youth councilor. As he was unboxing the uniforms to clean them, he held up the number 10 uniform, remembering when that bundle of sunshine was in his life.

"I wonder if it still smells like him,"  Kageyama  wondered aloud, though it had been over fifteen years. He held the uniform up to his nose, and to his disappointment, all he could smell was the stuffiness from being in a box for so many years;  Karasuno  decided to retire Hinata's  number at the end of  Kageyama's  first year.

That night,  Kageyama  took the shirt home to put on his daughter. It fit her like a dress, with the hem falling around her ankles.

"Wow, cool! I look like a volleyball player, daddy!" She beamed.

 The 7 year old grinned cheerfully up at her father, and he swears for the first time in fifteen years, he saw the sun again.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is ever in a position where they feel suicide is the answer, please talk to someone you trust or call the suicide hotline for your respective country


End file.
